Archives, Columns, Ms. Netiquette|September 30, 2011 10:45 AM

Dismayed by Rudeness Exhibited in Spades!

Hi Ms. Netiquette,

I have been unable to get my Badge in Spades from the past because it involves being in a rated game. I am not the best at the game, and I know this.

This week I thought I would give it a try. I usually would rather play with other women, but I was host and allowed two men to join. It was no time till I was called stupid and a few other names over my bidding and I had to leave the game as I am not a person to have an argument with a stranger and indulge in name calling.

Therefore I will never get the badge. I think Pogo should make all the Challenges so that you can play with computers and avoid this.

This is just one persons opinion however and I don’t think it will happen.

Thank you for listening to my complaint anyway.

Keep Games Fun

Dear Keep Games Fun,I’m terribly sorry you were treated so inhospitably. Unfortunately, the Spades rooms can be rough, and while there are some wonderfully nice Spades players, there does seem to be something about that game that attracts more than the fair share of ne’er-do-wells.

Unfortunately, while you can play Spades against robots, in order to earn that particular Badge, you will need to play a rated game, and you can only play rated games with humans.

My suggestion is to visit our Pogo Games Forums and go to the Card Games section and find the Spades link. You can create a new thread and let folks know your situation and request that people interested in *politely* playing some rated games in Spades contact you. My guess is that you’ll find willing partners very quickly. I wish you luck!

 

Ms. Netiquette:

Recently my friends and I met up for our nightly visit in Pogo, where we get together, talk and play.

We were discussing my new job and my quest for finding uniforms. All the sudden a player broke into our chat saying that we were boring everyone and we should take our chat to private. I replied that they call it chat for a reason. He continued to harass us even though other players were saying that we weren’t bothering them and suggested that he turn off his chat.

I ignored his comments, but he continued on saying things such as “blah, blah, blah” and “so tell us what size clothes you wear, we are all dying to know.” I found his comments very inappropriate, and I reported him. I then added his name to my friends so we didn’t end up in a room with him again. I see that he has been on everyday since.

My question is this, why have the report tool at all if nothing is done to people like this who abuse the chat?

Wasted Abuse Reports

Dear Wasted Abuse Reports, It’s certainly upsetting to have someone mock us while we’re simply having a conversation with others. I’m very sorry that you had to put up with this less-than-polite behavior.

Unfortunately, in your situation, the abuse was not obvious. I would concur that the other player was being obnoxious, rude and ill-mannered. However, nothing he said actually violated our Terms of Service. Sarcasm and opinion, while often unwelcome, doesn’t actually constitute a breach of our Terms of Service.

So, in a situation like this, my advice is to publicly say something like “I’m going to employ the mute now” and then do just that. This way, you’re reminding others that they, too, can mute him, and you’re letting him know that you’re not going to put up with his ridiculousness.

 

Hiya Nettie,

I’ve had stalker issues in the past myself. The advancements in blocking people from seeing you on their friends list and/or profile has done wonders for me. My concern is the past couple of letters from people complaining of still being stalked by their friends letting the stalker know where they are in pogoland.

I have not seen you mention in any of these articles of recommending that this person tell her friends to not mention where she is in Pogo to ANYONE. She should make it clear that if she wanted people to see her and know where she is that they would be able to see her their own friends list. If her friends continue on telling her stalker of where she is, then she really needs to realize that her “so called friends” are really not friends.

And really at this point she should consider going to a different room if she’s a regular in a certain room and make new friends, if she’s not able to pinpoint who is actually telling the stalker. I’ve been there and done that, and it’s a rough road but you will make friends who are worth your while and are actually your friends.

Signed,

A Real Friend Who’s Been Down that Same Road

Dear Real Friend, You are, indeed, a real friend, and I thank you very much for writing in.

You make a very good point that I definitely missed in my rather long answer last week. Anyone who is dealing with a serious stalker situation should reach out to his or her friends to advise them on the situation. A simple missive stating something like: “Hello friends – as you may know, I’m currently dealing with a stalker who is doing whatever he/she can to cause problems for me. In an effort to get him/her to lose interest in me, I’ve made some changes to my account, and am requesting that all my friends do not answer any questions about me from anyone. Thank you.”

And, as you mention, those being stalked do need to be extremely about the folks on their friends list. They may need to really go through it again and remove anyone with whom they don’t regularly engage.

It’s really wonderful to get perspective from someone who has been through it, and your advice on switching rooms is sound. Thank you so much!