Yelled at From Both Sides!

Dear From Both Sides,

Your heart was in the right place, and you were most definitely not in the wrong for trying to help this poor woman out. It’s likely she had no idea that she was in an uncensored room and that the language used in that room can be a bit salty.

I have no idea what was going through the minds of the people who came at you for assisting her, but obviously they were being impolite on several levels.

While many of the folks who are a bit loose with the “swears” are generally polite, fun and friendly, there are those who feel like they can be rude to others in those rooms. Oh, who am I kidding? Those folks show up in all rooms, really, so you’re likely to meet rudeniks from time to time anywhere and in any room. But, the uncensored rooms can be a magnet for people who don’t like to be polite, so it’s probably safe to say that people will experience less politeness in an uncensored room than in a regular room. But again – that’s not to say that there aren’t polite people in the uncensored rooms.

Thank you for being helpful, and I’m sorry you had to deal with the sourness of those less-than-polite folks!

Dear Return to Sender,

I can never really adequately explain the motivations of others. My feeling is that the folks that hit ‘reply all’ – and it sounds like in your case add a few names here and there – are not doing it to be “lazy” or to irritate anyone. They just don’t see it as a problem.

But, of course, it can be a problem for a lot of the recipients of these types of messages. In fact, it can be considered spam if the message is merely forwarded from one box to the next without any type of active conversation.

Let me be clear: a joke, story, opinion (or whatever) sent to a group of people the first time is not considered spam. If that same joke is then forwarded to a new mailing list, it becomes spam, and is a violation of the Terms of Service.

In this case – a joke (or whatever) sent the first time, is still not spam. However, if a recipient hits “Reply All” and then adds a few names, then the thread becomes spam and is a violation of the Terms of Service.

If the sender is someone you know and like, then I always suggest that you first politely ask them to remove you from their mailing list, as you don’t enjoy spam. A quick missive along the lines of “Hi friend, I enjoy your personal messages to me, but I’m not one for forwarded e-mails, so if you could please remove me from your mailing list, I’d be most appreciative” should suffice.

If they don’t listen and you continue to receive such messages, you can report them.  They’ll be warned initially, and hopefully will never again include you on forwarded messages.

If you are someone who enjoys forwarding messages, then I strongly recommend that you include a communication in every forwarded message that states something like: “I sent this message to you because I thought you’d enjoy it. If you’d prefer not to receive these sorts of messages in the future, please let me know and I’ll take you off my list.”

Or better yet, in addition to the above suggestion, send a one-time message to everyone on your list with something like: “I sometimes receive messages that I like to share with my friends. I know some people don’t enjoy forwarded messages, so if you don’t like them, please let me know so that I can remove you from my list.”

Dear Players Be Warned,

At this point in the history of the Internet, everyone really should know that there are some dangers when involving oneself with someone online.  These warnings have been in the news since the mid-90’s, so if these women haven’t heeded these warnings by now, it’s unlikely they will any time soon.  In all likelihood, they’re going to have to learn the hard way.

It’s horrible that people prey on the emotions of others, but it’s a reality. People must be responsible for themselves. Even before everyone was on the Internet we would occasionally hear the old saying: “If you don’t want it on the front page of the New York Times, don’t do it.” Wise advice.

Now with the Internet, the chances of an embarrassing picture showing up in the wrong hands is even greater.  I can and will stress this to everyone reading: Don’t undress for anyone on a webcam or send a picture of yourself in a state that you wouldn’t want your mother, father, sister or brother (or your children!) to see.

Once something gets on the Internet, as they say, trying to remove it is like trying to remove pee from a pool. Nearly impossible.

My advice to you, should you find yourself conversing with someone thinking about engaging in such activities, is to direct them to this column. If they have that wise inner voice that prevents us from making stupid decisions, this should wake that voice up, and hopefully they’ll listen. If they read this article and decide to risk it anyway, well, that’s on them and you’ve done all you can. If they’re a good friend, you’ll be there to help pick up the pieces, and you’ll avoid the temptation of saying “I told you so!”