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Hello Ms. Netiquette,
I have a question. How long is too long to wait when an opponent says BRB?
Today, I was playing a rated game of Jungle Gin when halfway through our 500 match game my opponent said “brb”. And I said “k”.
FIFTEEN minutes later I was still waiting. At that point I decided to no longer extend the one minute timer, which made my rating go up and my opponents rating to go down. I felt bad and good at the same time, for obvious reasons. When I clicked “No” to extending the timer, I stood up and in the chat window typed “sorry – I couldn’t wait another 15 mins… hope you’re ok… ty”.
Was this the right thing to do? Is there a time limit on a “brb”? I enjoy reading your column every week and look forward to your response.
Thank you,
Tired of Waiting
| Dear Tired of Waiting,
In the world of online games and Internet chat, “brb”, or “be right back” to those unfamiliar with netspeak, usually means at most a minute or two. Anything longer cancels the immediacy that the word “right” adds. It should then become “bbl”, or “be back later”. And few in the midst of a two player rated game is going to wait for “later”. It’s likely your opponent had every intention of coming right back, but got caught doing something else. You never know. Perhaps she went to refresh a cup of tea thinking “one minute tops” and while she went to the kitchen, she looked out the window and saw a neighbor’s lost dog and completely forgot about the game. We could spend hours speculating. She could have spilled the tea on her favorite new shoes and felt the need to clean them immediately. Perhaps she was abducted by martians. That’s probably it. Those martians have horrible timing! No matter – you were beyond polite in waiting as long as you did. When someone says “brb” and leaves, the polite thing to do is to wait for no more than five minutes. Anyone coming back to a game after 5 minutes should understand that there is a limit to how long someone would be willing to wait, and a reasonable person would not get upset. In any case, those who sit down to engage in rated multi-player games should do so with the intent on being present during the game play. If the person needs to be gone for more than a few minutes, he or she should specify the length of time the absence will take. If it’s over 5 minutes, he or she should offer to resign. Then the opponent or opponents can decide if they’re willing to wait. |
Nettie,
I don’t really think this is an etiquette question, but I am so upset right now that I just had to talk to someone and unfortunately for you, you are the “someone” I decided to write.
I was playing a game of Texas Hold’em today. I am not the best player, in fact I have lost a few million playing but I enjoy it and it takes my mind off other things going on in my life right now.
It was down to just two players, me and one other female. She went all in and since I wasn’t feeling well, I figured, I’ll just go all in too so I can take nap. Wouldn’t you know it… I won! At that, my opponent said “You cheater, just go and die”.
Well, this really hurt, mainly because even though I have told no one online, I am presently very sick and there is a good chance I will not survive my illness. For only the second time since I got sick I cried. I come here just to play and forget for a little while… why are people so thoughtless?
Thank you for being here to listen.
A Loyal Reader and Not a Cheat!
| Dear Loyal Reader,
Why people think it’s okay to say the most horrible things online that they’d never in a million years say to someone face to face is beyond me. I’m terribly sorry that you were subjected to this, especially given your circumstances. Your opponent, no doubt, did not realize that her words would cause you such upset. She said these things because she was angry at losing, and while she is without a doubt a very poor sport, I’m sure she did not mean for you to take this literally. Some people are just thoughtless. The reasons vary and in the end don’t really matter. What matters most right now is that you understand that from time to time you will run into insensitive people, but everyone – even these rude-niks – would be rooting for your recovery if they knew your situation. Good luck to you, and know that you’ve got a huge crowd of people who you don’t even know hoping for your recuperation. |
Dear Nettie:
I am very disappointed and disillusioned by your response to “Spiritually Dragged Down”, who feels that those in the spiritual chat rooms should stay on Christian topics.
I live my life by the tenets that any good Christian does: I don’t lie, cheat, steal, hurt people, or betray. I donate to charity, I volunteer my time to help those in need and I am a deeply spiritual person. What I am not is a Christian. What I also don’t do is assume that “spirituality” is solely for my religion and that anyone who believes differently from me is just there to cause “shenanigans” or disrupt the chat.
In reading your response to “Spiritually”, what struck me is this: “It is unfortunate that certain types of people get some sort of thrill by going into a clearly marked room and disrupting it. Most of the people who enter the Spiritual rooms recognize that the folks in there share a common interest in the spiritual side of life.”
What would be nice is if you realized that spirituality is not the sole province of Christians. Nor do I appreciate the fact that Christianity dominates every spiritual chat room on Pogo. While I usually accept “GB” in the spirit in which it was intended, I find other spiritual greetings, such as “Merry Meet” or “Blessed Be” to be just as warm and welcoming.
Want to see chat disruption? Try going into a spiritual room and announcing that you’re searching for other Pagans sometime. See what kind of “shenanigans” that starts. It is not “creating chaos” to look for those with similar beliefs, but it sure succeeds anyway: I have been accused of performing sacrifices, casting spells and even murdering children.
Pagans are just as spiritual as Christians; we’re just spiritual in a different way. But we’re not welcome in those rooms, nor are there any rooms set aside for spiritual people who are not Christian. If other religious followers can’t be in the spiritual chat rooms, then the rest of us would like some non-Christian spiritual rooms.
On the subject of her being told to shut up and get out, obviously the person who said that was incredibly rude. But to assume that only Christians discussing Christianity should be in a spiritual chat room is, IMO, equally rude. It is also elitist, narrow-minded and dismissive. I expected better from you, Nettie.
Pagan
| Dear Pagan,
Nowhere in my answer did I say that the spiritual rooms where solely for Christians. In fact, you just quoted what I did say on the subject: “Most of the people who enter the Spiritual rooms recognize that the folks in there share a common interest in the spiritual side of life.” The letter writer was a Christian, and my goal in answering her was to approach her question with respect to her beliefs. While she did say she was an “avid Christian” she never said that she expected everyone in the room to be Christian. Mostly, my answer addressed how to deal with abusive players. I did suggest she pray for the disrupter, but the act of praying is, as we all know, shared by many religions. Pogo has a bunch of room names and several of them do attract like-minded people, but there are no rules governing who is welcome in what room or the subject of conversation that takes place. Your issue seems to be less about that particular letter and response than it is about the difficulties you have faced as a Pagan on Pogo. And for that, I’m sorry. You should not have to face discrimination due to your religious beliefs. If you ever feel that you’ve been a victim of hate speech, then I encourage you to use the “Report Abuse” function in Pogo and report the offenders. |
