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Dear Readers,
As I begin this column today, the news from Connecticut is beginning to take form. It is truly a very, very sad day, and my heart goes out to those in the Newtown community. I can’t imagine what life must be like there now and in the weeks to follow.
Last night I watched the alternately heart-warming and heart-wrenching Italian movie Life is Beautiful about one man’s never-ending quest to keep his son happy while facing the atrocities in a concentration camp during World War II, and as it finished, I wiped away the tears and felt that we, as a life form, had evolved to the point where nothing like that could ever happen again. Today I let out a heavy sigh.
I will never, ever understand man’s inhumanity to man.
Today I hope people will be a little more caring to one another, show a little more patience, and exhibit a greater kindness to all.
And given this heavy day, I’m going to keep this column simple and positive. I can’t tell you how relieved I am that last week I asked for players to share their thoughts on how best to manage the inevitable questions about Christmas and the holidays.
So, today, the readers will give the advice, and hopefully we’ll all learn a little something.
If you feel uncomfortable when asked “what are you doing for the holidays?” a simple response that will not offend or offer to much info would be to just say “I’m spending my holidays at home”.
How thoughtful of Pogo to consider innocent questions that put some folks on the spot! A good rule is to remember that folks will offer any information they want to share during the course of a conversation. It’s good to give everyone an “out”.
In case this rule is broken….
Try the answer-a-question-with-a-question approach. Most folks who ask what you’re doing really want to tell you what they’re doing!
-Probably nothing as exciting as you’ll be doing!
-You sound merry! What exciting plans are you sitting on?
-The holidays have slowed down a bit here. How about you?
…or a humorous approach…
-Hide!
-Eat only the home-made goodies (that you send me).
-Open all the presents you send me.
-Hunt down all the mistletoe.
These can be good subject-changers!
When people ask me about my holiday plans, I am honest. I told them that I was having a non-traditional Thanksgiving all-vegetarian meal, and I tell them that I will not be putting up a tree this year “because it is too cumbersome a task for me”. This usually strikes up an interesting conversation ending with me being a “scrooge”. I don’t mind though, I go along with it and say “Bah humbug”!
I would love to tell you how I handle the question “What am I doing for the holiday?” First though I guess I need to give you a little background. My husband and I have always celebrated the holidays together. Just him and I. His family lives in Arizona and mine, well, let’s just say they live on a different planet.
Three years ago my husband, who was 55 at the time, lost his job of 23 years due to the economy. We used our savings up and then his unemployment, and he still could not find a job. It seemed that employers were not wanting to hire him due to his age. They were afraid that he was to close to retirement age and wanted younger people. Because he could not find a job and we went through our life savings just trying to hang in there, we lost everything. I mean everything: our home, our vehicles and even our personal belongings.
We packed a couple suit cases and moved downstate to a friends who said there weree jobs there. We left everything that we could not sell behind. When we got to our friends my hubby got a job in three days! It was only a little over minimum wage but we were happy it meant things were starting to look up. We got a small one bedroom apartment and started to breathe again.
Then my hubby told me his back was hurting bad and been hurting for about 7 months. He could not stand the pain anymore so he went to the doctor.
He had lung cancer. Stage 4 terminal incurable.
That has been a year now. He is hanging in there, but is slowly losing the battle. For these reasons we have not celebrated Christmas for the last three years. It is a depressing time for us as we can not afford to do anything.
So when someone ask me what we are doing for the holidays I simply respond with ” Oh, just relaxing and enjoying the day.” I do not go into details and I am sure the person is not being nosey or cruel. I have told no one on Pogo about my hubby or my hard times. This explanation normally satisfies them and we move on to other topics. Hope this helps
As someone who lost someone important on 11/22/11 right before Thanksgiving, I appreciate the people who ask what I am doing for the holidays. They are only asking because they are considerate and they are innocent about what happened and only want to show they care.
I don’t mention what happened. No need to make them feel horrible. A simple response was that I was going to spend time with my family. Or if I didn’t believe in celebrating it I wouldn’t say I didn’t, I just would say I was celebrating it my own way and leave it at that. I understand that people care about other people enough to ask. No reason to be blunt and hurt their feelings.
I am in the situation of not wanting questions about what is going on with my family at Christmas most of the time. I have been separated from my husband for several years, my uncle is dying of cancer and my son and brother are both divorced with children, so it can make it extremely awkward.
I usually just answer, “whoever can will be at my parents’ house for the holiday. Our traditional meal is Goop”. That leads to a discussion of what Goop is and pretty much distracts them from any more questions.
Some simple answer and bringing up something else is also a good idea. “I’ll go to my brother’s house”. My son sometimes has to work (paramedic), so that can make a distracting answer, too.
There are many people, who do not or no longer celebrate Christmas. Here and when out in public, I say “have a nice December.” My Muslim doctor was very surprised, and replied “thank you, how thoughtful of you.”
To those who feel uncomfortable with questions about holiday plans, I recommend responding in a neutral, noncommittal fashion, such as “Oh, I don’t know yet–I’m playing it by ear” or perhaps “I’m just staying home and keeping it simple this year.”
For many years around this time I always say: “Peace on earth.” Should work for everyone, except military contractors, lol.
I have to admit that I, personally, love the holidays. However there have been times when they have been difficult for varying reasons. Not necessarily wanting to explain (such as now)nor, as you say, to dampen the mood in a room, I’ve found a very easy and polite way of avoiding making explanations. By asking the same question back to the inquirer, you’ve more than likely avoided answering yourself. Your response could be “Thank you for asking, what are your plans?” Surprisingly, that usually does it!
If you can’t handle listening to other people’s joy and excitement in response, then you could have said “How kind of you to ask”. Period. End of story. Remember you owe no one an explanation, but you don’t want to be rude either and may need to ultimately change to subject for those persistent well-wishers.
Don’t forget that Pogo provides us with many ways to play “alone”. Turn off chat or change your settings during the holidays to play completely blocked.
Regardless of how any of us survive the holiday season, be it through endless baking, manic shopping, wrapping or hiding in Pogo, we must all remember to respect our fellow man. Be sensitive, kind and generous in spirit… and that applies every day of the year.
I say “the usual”. Short and sweet non-answer.
