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Hello Ms. Netiquette,
I have been playing Pogo for a few years now and I usually get on line and play with my mother-in-law who lives out of state. My husband and I have been divorced for a few months now and I sort of feel uncomfortable playing online with her.
I’ve been lucky to have wonderful in-laws, but now that I am no longer married, I wonder if it is still appropriate to play on line with her?
Thank you,
Undecided
| Dear Undecided,
Without more information, this is tough to answer. Was the divorce amicable? Did your in-laws do their best to stay out of your relationship? If you had met your mother-in-law under different circumstances, would you be friends? Do you enjoy her company? Would it upset your ex-husband? Of course, the fact that you wrote me about it and that you say you’re not entirely comfortable with the situation indicates that you’d prefer not to socialize with her on Pogo. This is understandable and it sounds like from what you’ve said she’s a pretty understanding person. My advice is to understand your own feelings on this and then take action. If you decide you’d rather not play with her, tell her in an honest and direct way. You can send her an e-mail and simply say something like: “I very much appreciate your support over the years, but now that your son and I have divorced, I’m finding I need some time to adjust to my new life, and it’s making me uncomfortable to continue playing with you. I do hope you understand.” If she responds kindly, and you find yourself missing her friendship at some point down the road, you can always reach out to her and resume the friendship. And if she is upset by it, you’ve still solved the immediate issue and you will have done it as directly and as politely as possible. You have to do what you have to do, and sometimes that means feelings get hurt. |
Dear Ms. Netiquette,
First, let me say how much I enjoy Pogo. I am recovering from some minor surgery and Pogo has been keeping me quite entertained!
I did encounter a bit of a problem yesterday, however, while playing Everyone Wins Bingo. I entered one of the uncensored chat rooms and I was quite shocked at the content of the discussions taking place. I’m no prude, believe me (I wouldn’t be in an uncensored chat room if I was) but a couple of the players were making some pretty strong racial comments.
I was so disgusted that I couldn’t even finish the game I started. I have no time for such nonsense so I immediately left without saying a single word (although there was much I wanted to say to these ignorant people).
But I was wondering if I should have reported the players. I know you can say pretty much whatever you want in these rooms but I do believe racial slurs violate the TOS. Am I correct? What should I have done?
Uncomfortable with Uncensored Chat
| Dear Uncomfortable with Uncensored Chat,
Good for you for biting your tongue. Getting involved with bigoted people rarely ends well, and you likely saved yourself further upset. You could have, and should have, reported them for hate speech. It’s one thing to say “the word that rhymes with ham” or one of that word’s close relatives, and it’s quite another to say anything that attacks the race, religion, gender, sexual-orientation, etc… of others. That’s considered hate speech, and it’s a big violation on Pogo. So big, in fact, that some players don’t even receive a warning before their account is canceled. So, next time you’re in any room – censored or not – and you see hate speech, report it. It’s the polite thing to do. |
Dear Ms. Nettie:
Let me first say that I enjoy reading your columns each week and I especially appreciate you not backing down when your advice is questioned.
I am only writing to request that you address the writer who said that she had to start a new Pogo account because she had “lost her old email addresses”. This would be a perfect opportunity to educate people that their accounts are not tied to any email address per se.
When she lost her old email address and changed to a new server or account she could have logged onto Pogo with her existing password and changed her old email address to the current one under “My Account”.
It’s a shame to see people lose their badges, tokens and screen name when they don’t have to. It’s too late for this person, but might help others in the future who read your column. Take care!
Signed,
A Ms. Nettie Fan
| Dear Ms. Nettie Fan ,
It’s a great reminder – if you created an account, it doesn’t matter what e-mail address you used (as long as it’s yours, of course!), that account does belong to you, and so long as you still have the password, you can still access it and do exactly as you said: change the e-mail address under the Edit Password page. The player who wrote last week mentioned that she’d been with Pogo “forever” and a Club member for 2 years. I think it’s safe to assume in her case that the accounts she lost were free accounts, and while they may have had tokens accrued, it’s likely she doesn’t care about those accounts anymore. That said, anyone with an old account can usually retrieve it on our Account Recovery Page. Thanks for the reminder! |
