Is a “Thank You” Too Much to Expect?

It’s perfectly understandable that you would want recognition for giving a friend a gift. It would be odd if you didn’t. Of course, the polite thing for these folks to do is to spend the 34 seconds it would take to thank you, but the reality is that we’re not always going to receive it.

General etiquette dictates that one should never give a gift with the expectation of a “thank you” and that when we are thanked, we should feel very grateful. And that is true. The best gifts, as you pointed out, are given from the heart, and ideally, we are all mature enough not to expect any sort of thank you. Easier said than done!

It’s important to understand that the lack of a “thank you” does not necessarily mean that the gift went unappreciated. Many people simply forget. If you see that they’re using the item you gave them in their Mini, you could always compliment them with a “Oh, I love how you used the such&such item!” That should trigger their memory and they will likely thank you right there on the spot. Their intention is not to be rude, it’s likely they’re just forgetful.

Of course, if you feel like you’re doing a lot of giving and not getting any sort of receiving then it may be time to reconsider giving to this person. Based on the actions of many, many grandmothers over many, many years, if the recipient repeatedly does not provide any form of gratitude, then assume that he or she does not wish to receive any more gifts and cease sending them. Many, many grandchildren have had quite a shock come their birthday or Christmas when a letter-writing sibling has received a gift and he or she has not. Usually the lesson is learned.

You are under absolutely no obligation to partake in the chat with a stranger on Pogo, or anywhere else in the world for that matter. The player who said “Hello” was being friendly at first, but then made an incorrect assumption that you were being rude and then became the rude one by calling you rude.

Most regular players recognize that when they say “hello” they may not receive a response. If someone does respond with a similar greeting, great! If not, it’s far safer to assume that the person is not paying to chat than to assume that he or she is being deliberately rude.

Now, you didn’t mention what sort of game you were playing. If it is a multi-player game, you should either play with robots (if possible), or you should occasionally check the chat window, and do respond if a partner says something.

One method many players have adopted to politely communicate that they’re “just relaxing and not chatting” is to put just that into their profile. Something like “I’m just here to relax and play some games, so I don’t pay attention to chat” or “I’m so focused on the game, I rarely chat” should let those who check out your profile know that you’re not a chatter and that you simply prefer to focus on the game.

Thanks so much for your letter. In a perfect world, there would be no such thing as swearing. There would be no words that would offend anyone. Alas, we do not live in a perfect world.

Swear words are only offensive because of the meaning we have historically put upon them. The words themselves are merely words. Thus, each and every one of us has a different reaction to them. In some households some swearing is common and the words don’t hold much weight. In other households swearing is verboten and if one is said it’s a very serious matter.

And swear words themselves run the gamut of offensiveness. When I see the four letter word that rhymes with “ham”, I don’t really have much of a reaction. When I see other words, my skin crawls.

Language is a wonderfully crazy thing. As I said, some people have grown accustomed to some swearing and they truly don’t think it’s a big deal. Thus, on Pogo, we have the “uncensored” rooms where they can let the language fly (within reason). I support these rooms, as I recognize that for those folks, the language used doesn’t have the same effect on them that it does on the rest of us, and since they’re not offending the general population with it, so be it.

In the regular rooms, excessive swearing should be reported as abuse. However, and I should preface this with the fact that this is merely my opinion, a one-off swear word here and there shouldn’t always result in a player being reported for abuse. There are many good people who occasionally let one slip. And while I understand your point about how having to type it out makes it more of an intentional act, I’m not sure I fully agree. We are emotional creatures and we get caught up in the moment. On occasion, we do things we wouldn’t normally do and good people do make mistakes.

Of course, if the word is one of the “extremely offensive” words, then I do encourage an abuse report.

We could, seriously, debate swearing until all of the tea in the world has been consumed and get nowhere with it, so ultimately it’s a matter of personal choice.

Swearing is against the Terms of Service. So, filing a report is justified when you see it. I just happen to believe there’s some lee-way. That’s me. If I see someone swearing a little here and there, I might tell them to tone it down, or I might just mute them. I’m likely not going to file a report unless it’s out of hand. I don’t think a little mild swearing is worthy of the amount of trouble the other player could get into, nor do I think it’s the best use of our Support Staff’s time.

Keep in mind that we also have a chat filter. The chat filter prevents many swear words from being seen in the general chat, and if you’re offended by swearing, then you should always have the chat filter on, and you should not report people for words you can’t see.

If a word gets through the chat filter, and you are seriously offended by the swear word, then by all means, file an Abuse Report. For me, personally, if I believe the typer of the swear word is simply letting off a little steam, then I either let it go or use the Mute.

As far as children go, Pogo is not recommended for people under the age of 13 without parental supervision. And while I do admire your wanting to rid the world of swearing, I have to be realistic here – sometimes the Teen rooms are worse than the Uncensored Rooms. Of course, we don’t want children to swear, but I’d be a fool to think that I can keep them from seeing or hearing the words.

As for why people swear, it’s generally to make some sort of point, or to vocalize a strong emotion. If I hit my thumb with a hammer, my natural reaction is to squeal some sort of sound. As we grow up, we replace general mutterings of nonsense with the language we learn. Many people scream “OUCH!” others use more colorful expressions.

I’m rambling now, and I need to end this column before all the tea in the world truly is consumed. The bottom line is this: swearing is a Terms of Service violation on Pogo. Each of us has a threshold of how much we are willing to put up with, and so it’s up to each of us to decide when we need to report abuse.