Redeem your 
Dear Ms. Nettie,
It’s been awhile since I’ve sent you a letter, but I think it’s about time for another brain-wracking problem. Do you have your tea ready?
I was playing BATTLESHIP this morning for my badge, and right after the first turn of the game, someone took the computer’s place to play a game or two with me.
We’ll just call this player “Bob”. Anyway, Bob came right in and said “hi”. I said “hi” back and continued with my turn. He began talking to me about my Mini and it turned into a discussion about the items used to make my Mini.
It quickly began getting personal, and so I started ignoring the chat for a few minutes so I could better concentrate on the game. I do enjoy a nice chat during a game (as opposed to a dead-silent chat room – that just makes things a little awkward) but this guy was getting a little… er… creeper-ish, I guess you could say. He said something like, “you won’t sink my battleship will you?” and I did (it’s part of the game, and I wanted to get the badge over with!) and so I said, “actually I would.” I quickly typed out an apology for having to leave, wished him good luck with his badge, and went on my way.
This sounds harmless, right? But did I do the right thing? I was feeling absolutely uncomfortable with this strange man in the game with me. Normally I wouldn’t have a problem with it, but being quite a bit younger than him, I felt kind of threatened – especially with the amount of conversation going on.
Now that I think of it, I feel bad for leaving the game, because he was only trying to make conversation, but at the same time I feel like I did the right thing. What do you think, Ms. Nettie?
Signed,
Sinking Battleships
| Dear Sinking Battleships,
What do I think? I think I may ruffle some feathers with this answer, but I’ll give it anyway. There is always one exception to employing good etiquette, and that’s when you feel threatened. I don’t have the benefit of reviewing your entire conversation, but it sounds like the tone of his conversation set off some internal warning bells, and you paid attention. Good for you. You hear the phrase “trust your gut” all the time, and that’s essentially what you did. Trusting your instincts can save you from bad situations. Animals are much better at it than humans because we have competing instincts: not wanting to appear impolite versus protecting ourselves. The instinct to protect yourself trumps being polite every time. And to be clear – you were nothing but polite. You made an apology before you left the game. Now, maybe he was just making conversation. Maybe you completely misread him and maybe he’s actually the nicest person on the entire planet. At worst, he may have been a little irritated by your sudden departure. Guess what? He’s probably forgotten all about it by now and has moved on. You shared only a few moments together in a game online. The important thing is that you trusted your instincts, politely removed yourself from the situation and possibly saved yourself from unpleasantness. Well done! |
Ms. Nettie:
I have encountered this ideology online in Pogo rooms that because you’re in an uncensored room you can use four letter words, talk in graphic sexual derogatory terms about female parts and male parts of the body, and it’s a no-holds-barred say-whatever-you-want free-for-all.
Now I don’t mind most of the people in these rooms. But, there are MANY who think that the rules are tossed out the window and continue to talk in graphic sexual detail, hate terms, and the use of the f-word is RAMPANT in these rooms.
Can you please enlighten people? Please let them know that even in an uncensored room the rules of Pogo are still in place, and players can be held accountable to them. I have brought up this topic to you before but the problem is rapidly growing and becoming intolerable.
Thank You,
Polite Pogo Player
| Dear Polite Pogo Player,
It does seem I must address this issue from time to time to remind everyone of what you just said. The uncensored rooms do not mean “rule-free”. They simply mean that you can use swear words. The other rules still apply. Does that make sense? If not, this might better explain the uncensored rooms: if you want to use salty language in your conversation, you may. But you still can’t partake in hate speech, harass or single out others, or generally engage in any type of chat that is made solely to offend others. So, where does that leave those who enjoy swearing like a sailor, but understand the limits? In search of the “Report Abuse” button! That’s right – should you encounter language or chat that goes beyond the acceptable “uncensored room” swearing, you should file an abuse report. Our Customer Support team will look at the logs and determine if there has been a violation. |
Dear Ms. Netiquette,
I found it amusing that in last week’s column (Ms. Netiquette, May 5, 2011) you assumed that the rude player encountered by this person was a female, seeing as their gender was never mentioned.
Perhaps we should think a little more carefully?
This is coming from a male, by the way.
Gender Neutral
| Dear Gender Neutral,
Actually, my thinking was fine in that column. It was my reading that was off! Indeed, you and several others who wrote in are correct in this observation. Even after reading that letter several times before answering, for whatever reason, I believed the letter writer was discussing a female. The letter writer was very careful not to include a gender, but alas, I was not. I still stand by the advice itself, as it applies to everyone. However, I will try to be more careful in the future. |
