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Dear Nettie,
I had a very uncomfortable experience in a game room when two of the players began chatting suggestively. Now I am normally not a prude, but the conversation was too over the top. One of the players said it needed to be toned down, or their moms would get in trouble. I realized these amorous players were underage and playing on another adult’s account.
I was then faced with a dilemma. Should I message their parents to let them know how the kids are behaving, especially since that behavior could effect their Pogo status? Now if it were me, I would want to know that my child was acting like this online. But I don’t know any of the people involved and didn’t want to be mistaken for a meddling busy body. I ended up doing nothing, but it has bothered me.
What should I do if this happens again?
Tattling Tess
| Dear Tattling Tess,This is quite a dilemma. In grade school we’re taught not to tattle, and then when little Spikey puts gum on the teacher’s chair everyone gets in trouble for not telling. How can you win?
In one sense, it seems you have answered your question: “Now if it were me, I would want to know that my child was acting like this online.” If we are to treat others as we would like to be treated ourselves, then it would seem like dropping a short and sweet note to the account owner letting him or her know what you saw would be in order. However, in the online world, you have no idea who is behind that keyboard. If the account is shared, the child might be the one to receive the message, and there’s no way of knowing how he or she may react. You may be opening yourself up to abuse. Understandably, most of us may not wish to take that risk. So, what should you do? The bottom line here is that the account owner is responsible for everything that happens on his or her account. At most you might suggest to the children that they need to be careful when using someone else’s account. If the children cross the line and get reported for abuse, the account holder will receive a warning for it, and at that point he or she can deal with the issue. |
Dear Ms. Netiquette,
I was recently playing Canasta when a person came into the room. No exchanges were ever made. There was no “hello,” “hi,” or the like. I played a good hand and the other person made the face with the tongue out but I took it as a funny gesture. During the game the pile began to build and the other person had numerous chances to pick it up. I finally picked it up and made a great play that put that hand to rest. The other person called me a “grabbing pig” which I thought was very, very unkind. I did not say anything to her and let it go. Then she left the room obviously because I won the game.
Well, it hit me wrong that someone could just do that and leave so I copied her screen name, put it in my friends list, and went to the room she was in. I never said or directed anything towards her. She spotted me there and asked me to leave. I told her I don’t think so. So, she left. After a bit I again went to find where she was and played in that room and never said anything. She left again. But I did erase her name and have not tried to find her anymore. I just don’t think that people should be allowed to ruin other people’s fun and leave. I think that this should be addressed as I don’t want to play with that kind of person.
End The Rudeness!
| Dear ETR,What an interesting letter! In two paragraphs you went from being sympathetic Canasta fan to potential stalker! Indeed, the person who called you a “grabbing pig” was out of line. However, you copying her name and following her around just made a bad situation worse. Her offense was simple rudeness. Your reaction to her bordered on stalking, and that is a serious Terms of Service violation.
It’s human nature to want people to be polite, and it does offend us when we are confronted with rudeness. But as polite people, we must learn to understand the boundaries of our power. We do more to change the behavior of impolite people when we continue to behave politely ourselves than we do when we try to force etiquette on others. In many cases, it just leads to escalated offenses. Bucky is rude to Tex. Tex retaliates by being rude to Bucky, so Bucky does something even worse to Tex, and so on and so forth. It’s not always easy to take the high road, but eventually it’s much more satisfying. |
Dear Ms. Netiquette,
I love reading your column on Pogo and I check it out every chance I get. Though, I do have one complaint. The formatting for the letters you receive (the italics) is very hard to read — this is especially true after several hours of game play on Pogo!
Can you please change the format to so it is easier to read?
Sincerely,
Burry Eyes
| Dear Burry Eyes,Thanks for the suggestion! I’d like to apologize to every eyeball strained by that formatting. I’ve put the letters in bold now and my responses in normal font. Hopefully that will make things a little easier. |
